Crappy Day

This would be my first Mother's Day. I should have a beautiful little baby girl, a card from Bobby, maybe some flowers.......but I don't. Instead I have 4 loads of laundry and a messy house, a heart full of pain and eyes filled with tears. This sucks, today sucks, May sucks, 2011 has sucked. I have dreaded this day all week, all month, all year. I said I wouldn't get upset, wasn't going to let myself cry, wasn't going to get angry, no tears today, who was I kidding! I'm trying to stay positive but with two failed pregnancies and an empty Mother's Day its just so hard. Lose a baby, 2 weeks later turn 30, 4 weeks after that lose your Nana, start IVF, shots and thousands, more shots and more thousands, and end with a Chemical Pregnancy! How much can one person take, wtf! People say that God will never give you more than you can handle, well I'm just about at my limit. I'm trying, I really am, but come on already. What have I done, what have we done to deserve this. Pity party over, the days almost done. Time to try and be brave, be positive, sunshine and freaking rainbows here I come. Gosh I just really hate today.